Prime example occurred one night last week.
Took me 3 hours to get all 3 girls into bed after much whining, crying, and rolling around wildly on the floor. And that was just me.
I was exhausted to say the least. Hubby has been working nights the past few weeks and I'd be lying if I said it was easy. I am so thankful that he has a job, and a job that he loves nonetheless. But that doesn't mean much when I'm sitting on my 3 year old's bedroom floor for 2 hours straight pleading with her to go to sleep while she pleads with me to sleep with her. Simultaneously, my 2 year old cries in the room next door for mommy to rock her, and my 5 year old waits impatiently for the cup of hot cocoa that I promised her 2 hours ago.
Heidi (2 year old) is my baby who is growing up way too fast. I cherish the moments when we cuddle in her rocking chair. Guilt when we don't.
Ava (5 year old) told me earlier in the day that her favorite part of the day was when she and I cuddled on the couch and drank hot cocoa together. Guilt.
London (3 year old) is sweet and ridiculously funny and seems to always get caught in the middle and I feel enormous guilt about that.
Finally, everyone is tucked into bed and sleeping soundly. And I'm alone. Just me and my cup of hot tea on the couch, on the verge of tears.
And suddenly I knew ... He was there too.
I looked up, so sure that I would see Him sitting next to me. I could feel His warm eyes looking at me with compassion and understanding. I felt Him whisper that I am a good mom. And I knew it was going to be ok.
I may not always get it right, but I am going to try my best. I may not win the "most organized" award, but I will drop what I'm doing at a moment's notice and have a dance party in the kitchen with my little rockers/gangsters/popstars (depending upon our mood). I might lose my temper, but I will always make it right with a late night chat, hugs and prayers.
I made my way upstairs, snuck into each of the girls rooms, wiped the hair from their faces and kissed their sweet little foreheads. I crawled into bed and fell asleep, in awe of the peace He provided and excited about the opportunity tomorrow to love on them and try again to be the mom He knows I can be.
I love this...definitely just what I needed to read today. Being a mom isn't easy especially when you mix in how messed up you are because of your parents terrible parenting skills (or lack there of). I had great parents..they just needed some help in that area and unfortunately never received it. So, I am stuck trying to break the cycle of past mistakes that are embedded in me...love that each morning is a new day for me to begin all over again and break the cycle that binds so many....
ReplyDeleteSo glad you posted this. Not sure if this is a typical 6-year old stage, but suddenly Kayla knows everything and has become much more prideful, not in a good way. We spent today disagreeing over just about everything with disrespectful tones from her. With each punishment and talk we had, my guilt grew and grew. What am I doing wrong? How can I work with my "Baby Girl" so that she can succeed and not fail. At bedtime, I laid beside her and. Tonsure how much I loved her even when I'm not happy with her actions. She started to cry, apologized, and rubbed my face. And now the guilt is so much stronger. Thank God for the hope of tomorrow and that my girl and I will have a new day to share life and love together.
ReplyDelete~Melissa
Wow. Happened to me yesterday! I asked Sam to get dressed. Nope. She was playing a dress-up computer game. After many attempts of getting her attention, I closed (rather quickly) the computer in her face. She sat in the back of the car hugging her stuffed animal. Guilt and double guilt. I apologized. She smiled and said 'ok'. Lil' more guilt. Thanks for blog. I'll try better today...bleh.
ReplyDeleteSOOO good Christie! Thanks for sharing...you ARE a good mom, and friend. Can't wait for what He shows you next!! Love you!
ReplyDelete