Beauty in the Mess

3 pink strollers. 1 oversized beanbag. 2 pairs of boots. Baby dolls that seem to multiply by the minute.

This is what I see right now. This is what I see at least 10 times a day.

I put them away and yet they always reappear.

I wrote a few days ago about learning to embrace the mess. It's a work in progress.

I recently saw an episode of Oprah where a young couple was describing the pain they felt after their 3 young children were killed in a car accident. Unimaginable. My brain could not even begin to comprehend the depth of their loss. Nor did I want to allow myself to. They described the first time they came home, without their precious babies. The quiet was deafening. The toys, the shoes, the mess was suddenly a reminder of the lives that were lost. They would give anything to hear the arguments, the feet running from room to room, the talking baby dolls.

The mess. The signs of life -- are a testament to the people who live and love here. I’m quick to judge it. I’m quick to be frustrated by it.

Heidi's booster seat is on her chair at our dining room table. Sometimes I hide it because it is bright blue and red, and sticks out like a sore thumb. But tonight I look at it and remember the way she giggled uncontrollably at dinner when London made a silly face. I see London's purse and baby doll. She loves to play "moms" with her sisters. She pushes her little stroller around the house and sings to her babies. I see Ava's backpack. I am reminded of the the incredibly beautiful, smart, sensitive girl she is becoming. I see the dress up clothes, coloring books, and sippy cups.

This is where we live. This is OUR LIFE.

Jonathan is fulfilling his dream of being a police officer. I am a stay-at-home mom again, and loving it. Ava is in first grade and is expanding her social life, away from Mom & Dad. London is spelling words and writing them on paper. Heidi is talking to me - full fledged conversations with a 2 year old - coming up with new words every day.

We are living into each new stage. The days, ordinary and beautiful.

I am pausing to notice. To honor this moment that I usually pick up and throw back into the place where I think it belongs. I am thanking God for the signs of life that sit scattered at my feet.

And I rest. Content. Blessed. Right there in the middle of the mess. And there I find more beauty than I expected.