Wounding happens. But so does healing. All the time.
And as we experience our own healing, we become candidates to walk with others as they experience similar painful moments.
God knows our hurts and what they cost us. One of the biggest steps to healing is acknowledging and accepting what we have lost in the process. Healing begins when we can let go of the hope that the past is going to be different.
He honors my wounds by using them to heal others who are struggling, as I have struggled.
Henry Nouwen says, "When our wounds cease to be a source of shame, and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers." Nouwen goes on to describe wounded healers as individuals who “must look after their own wounds but at the same time be prepared to heal the wounds of others.”
Nobody escapes being wounded. Nouwen noted that words such as alienation, separation, isolation, and loneliness express our wounded condition. I think one of the most important (and most commonly ignored) aspects of healing is effectively and intentionally coping with and managing those feelings of isolation, separation, and loneliness.
Isolation is a dangerous breeding ground. Often times the result of improperly managed isolation is narcissism or depression.
I know what it's like to "feel" alone, waiting for the healing that hasn’t arrived yet. We are quite vulnerable at this point of the healing process.
If we aren't careful, isolation turns into pride. I know how easy it is to drift into pride.
And then the pride turns into self-absorbed behaviors, like narcissism or depression. Both equally dangerous, to ourselves and others.
In my opinion, one of the enemy's greatest weapons is convincing us that we are alone. That no one understands. That we should just curl up in a ball and hide away.
If there was one thing that I could share with someone who is in one of those "painful experiences", it would be to find someone. Someone that you trust. Someone that will be honest with you. Someone that will allow you to truly feel your pain. And feel with you. Embrace their words, their prayers, and their hugs. Don't go through this alone.
Nouwen’s concluding remarks are quite insightful. He wrote "A Christian community is therefore a healing community not because wounds are cured and pains are alleviated, but because wounds and pains become openings or occasions for a new vision."
This is so important! Read that last paragraph again.
(A prime opportunity for a shout out to Way of Life Community. A healing community that has embraced this mindset to the fullest. And we are seeing, on a daily basis, this new vision that God is crafting together, carefully and with great detail, and with incredibly mind-blowing results. I'm a living, breathing example of someone who has been directly impacted by this outpouring of grace and hope.)
He further notes that a "wounded healer’s primary task is not to take away the pain, but to deepen it to a level where it can be shared. This deepening process begins a shared journey that is further initiated by acknowledging that we share one another’s wounds. We feel wounded when others are wounded."
In order to feel wounded by another’s wound, we must pause long enough to feel the intensity of their pain. And when we do so, we experience a mutual healing.
I am reminded of the verse in Isaiah that says, "by His wounds we are healed". His painful death was a an example of this miraculous healing process. I am healed because He was wounded. As a result, others can find their healing ... because I was wounded.
I heal more, when I walk someone through a similarly painful process. So this means that I don't need to be "completely whole" before I begin to reach out to others.
It is only by being willing to face, consciously experience and go through our wound do we receive true healing. We must be willing to embrace the mysterious new place where the wound is leading us. It is then that we allow ourselves to be re-created by the wound.
We will be different. We have to embrace that piece of the puzzle.
Going through and embracing our wound as a part of ourselves is radically different than going around (avoiding), or getting stuck in and obsessively reliving (being controlled by) our wound.
"Going through our wound means realizing we will never again be the same when we get to the other side of this process. Going through our wound is a genuine death experience, as our old self “dies” in the process, while a new, more expansive and empowered part of ourselves is born."
We must consciously feel the pain,
Go through the wound,
And begin to heal.
It is then that we are able to go through the wound with another,
And in doing so, we both are healed.
And we become wounded healers.
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