cultivating simplicity

my life is loud.

fighting toddlers.  ringing cell phones (mine and his).  email alerts.  blaring kid shows on tv.  talking baby dolls.  dishwashers.  dryers.  the endless chatter in my brain.

although the sources may be different, i am sure that you have your own symphony of sounds that fill  your life.

sometimes i just want to yell: stop!

give me peace.  i am exhausted.

but in order to experience the peace, i must learn to listen.  and for listening to occur, we have to be able to actually hear, focused and free from all that fights for our attention.

god, teach me to listen, with my ears and my being.

to you.  to my children.  to my husband.  to my heart. 

i need a break.  from blogs.  facebook.  twitter.  fox news.

i want to be reminded of quiet.  allowing me to disconnect and ... be.  be bored.  be uncomfortable.  i need to remove the instant stimulations.  i need to unplug from the hectic, fast paced world that keeps me thinking that everything is important, and results in nothing being important.

i need to be conscious (and held responsible) of my habit to turn to tv or online connections to fill the void within me.

i need to set a better example for my children.  i need to exercise my god-given creativity and encourage the same in my girls.  i need to get outside more.  i need to take better care of my body.  i need to take better care of the time he has given me.

i am learning to cultivate simplicity:

"among the enemies to devotion none is so harmful as distractions.
whatever excites the curiosity, scatters the thoughts, disquiets the heart, absorbs the interests or shifts our life focus from the kingdom of god within us to the world around us—that is a distraction; and the world is full of them. our science-based civilization has given us many benefits but it has multiplied our distractions and so taken away far more than it has given….
the remedy for distractions is the same now as it was in earlier and simpler times: prayer, meditation and the cultivation of the inner life. the psalmist said “be still, and know,” and christ told us to enter into our closet, shut the door and pray.

it still works….

distractions must be conquered or they will conquer us. so let us cultivate simplicity; let us want fewer things; let us walk in the Spirit; let us fill our minds with the word of god and our hearts with praise. in that way we can live in peace even in such a distraught world as this. “peace I leave with you, my peace i give unto you.” (a.w. tozer)

Wounded Healers

To be human is to suffer pain, to feel wounded and to struggle to get to a place of healing.

Wounding happens.  But so does healing.  All the time.

And as we experience our own healing, we become candidates to walk with others as they experience similar painful moments.

God knows our hurts and what they cost us.  One of the biggest steps to healing is acknowledging and accepting what we have lost in the process.  Healing begins when we can let go of the hope that the past is going to be different.

He honors my wounds by using them to heal others who are struggling, as I have struggled.

Henry Nouwen says, "When our wounds cease to be a source of shame, and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers."  Nouwen goes on to describe wounded healers as individuals who “must look after their own wounds but at the same time be prepared to heal the wounds of others.”

Nobody escapes being wounded.  Nouwen noted that words such as alienation, separation, isolation, and loneliness express our wounded condition.  I think one of the most important (and most commonly ignored) aspects of healing is effectively and intentionally coping with and managing those feelings of isolation, separation, and loneliness.

Isolation is a dangerous breeding ground.  Often times the result of improperly managed isolation is narcissism or depression.

I know what it's like to "feel" alone, waiting for the healing that hasn’t arrived yet.  We are quite vulnerable at this point of the healing process. 

If we aren't careful, isolation turns into pride.  I know how easy it is to drift into pride.

And then the pride turns into self-absorbed behaviors, like narcissism or depression.  Both equally dangerous, to ourselves and others.

In my opinion, one of the enemy's greatest weapons is convincing us that we are alone.  That no one understands.  That we should just curl up in a ball and hide away.

If there was one thing that I could share with someone who is in one of those "painful experiences", it would be to find someone.  Someone that you trust.  Someone that will be honest with you.  Someone that will allow you to truly feel your pain.  And feel with you.  Embrace their words, their prayers, and their hugs.  Don't go through this alone. 

Nouwen’s concluding remarks are quite insightful. He wrote "A Christian community is therefore a healing community not because wounds are cured and pains are alleviated, but because wounds and pains become openings or occasions for a new vision."

This is so important!  Read that last paragraph again.

(A prime opportunity for a shout out to Way of Life Community.   A healing community that has embraced this mindset to the fullest.  And we are seeing, on a daily basis, this new vision that God is crafting together, carefully and with great detail, and with incredibly mind-blowing results.  I'm a living, breathing example of someone who has been directly impacted by this outpouring of grace and hope.)

He further notes that a "wounded healer’s primary task is not to take away the pain, but to deepen it to a level where it can be shared. This deepening process begins a shared journey that is further initiated by acknowledging that we share one another’s wounds. We feel wounded when others are wounded."

In order to feel wounded by another’s wound, we must pause long enough to feel the intensity of their pain. And when we do so, we experience a mutual healing.

I am reminded of the verse in Isaiah that says, "by His wounds we are healed".  His painful death was a an example of this miraculous healing process.  I am healed because He was wounded.  As a result, others can find their healing ... because I was wounded.

I heal more, when I walk someone through a similarly painful process.  So this means that I don't need to be "completely whole" before I begin to reach out to others.

It is only by being willing to face, consciously experience and go through our wound do we receive true healing. We must be willing to embrace the mysterious new place where the wound is leading us. It is then that we allow ourselves to be re-created by the wound.

We will be different.  We have to embrace that piece of the puzzle.

Going through and embracing our wound as a part of ourselves is radically different than going around (avoiding), or getting stuck in and obsessively reliving (being controlled by) our wound.

"Going through our wound means realizing we will never again be the same when we get to the other side of this process.  Going through our wound is a genuine death experience, as our old self “dies” in the process, while a new, more expansive and empowered part of ourselves is born."

We must consciously feel the pain,

Go through the wound,  

And begin to heal. 

It is then that we are able to go through the wound with another,

And in doing so, we both are healed.

And we become wounded healers.

BFF

 
I love listening to Ava tell me about her day.

 It's always full of silliness involving her & her best friends.  Stories about sharing cupcakes, fun at recess, planned sleepovers, and silly jokes in typical six-year-old-girl fashion.

There are days when I wish I could be her best friend.

I’d be the friend who always saved her a seat at lunch.
We'd go to music, gym and art together.
We'd tell secrets and giggle when "he" walks by.
We'd make up songs and jokes and stories.  And laugh hysterically at each other. 

I’d be the friend who would invite her to sleepovers, 

sharing my toys, my pillows and my dress up clothes.

When it was time to find a partner, we would run to each other and hold 

hands tightly making our friendship known to everyone.

I would hold her hand through break-ups and laugh at her quirkiness.  

I'd “get” her the way no one else does.  

I’d love her even after she couldn’t stop her anger or tears.

We would shop for prom dresses together.  

We'd roll our eyes at the hundreds of pictures taken.  

We would wait patiently while our Dads lay down the law to our dates.  

We’d make huge mistakes together, 

and maybe even hit some rough spots during our friendship.

We would always look for each other at birthdays, graduations and weddings.

And when I got a phone call in the early morning hours saying, “It’s time,”

I’d speed over to the hospital to hold her hand yet again.  

I’d scoop up her newborn baby and remember the times we told secrets with ribbons in our braids.

I want that for her.

I wish I could save her from loneliness.  

I’d love her fiercely the way only a true friend can.

Instead I am a mother. I am her mother.  

So I pray.   

For a girl who will love her.  

For a friend who will stand with her and sit with her and walk with her.  

For a friend who will always be there, despite time, boyfriends or circumstances.

And I teach.  

Teach her how to be that friend to others.  

And then I step back.  And wait.  

I know there will be days when she will be hurt and left out and rejected.  

But there will also be many more days when she will be 

loved and wanted and cared for.

I cannot be her best friend but I will do all that I can for her.  

And I know that she will be ok.

My Life Plan

"But what happens when we live God's way?  He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard - things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity.  We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely."  Galatians 5:22-23

Five Minute Friday

So, one of my fave bloggers, The Gypsy Mama, challenged us to write for 5 minutes flat -- unscripted, unedited, no backspacing or rewording....about me.   One of my fave things to talk about.  (Isn't that why people start a blog??)

OK.

Ready....

      Set.....

            GO!!

If You Met Me....

Before I got a word in, you'd probably be swept into a conversation with my three year old, London.  She loves to talk.  She was talking to the trees this morning.  A full fledged conversation with a tree.  You would then meet Ava and Heidi.  They are not as forward as their sister, but given time, they'd be just as engaging.  I would probably share some crazy story involving my girls.  That's my thing.  I find comfort and confidence when I talk about my girls.  They are the best thing I have ever done.  In.  My.  Life.  So I talk about them.  A lot.

Pretty soon we'd be swapping stories.  I hope that you realize that I am listening.  Listening and trying to keep Heidi from running into the road.  But I am listening.  I know I seem preoccupied.  I worry that you might mistake that for disinterest.  I promise it's not. 

As we talk, you'd discover that I like to laugh.  And loud.  I love goofing off.  And I love dancing.  (Although I have two left feet.)  I really love to dance to rap music.  I also like to think that I am a good rapper.  I sing really loud when I am in the car.  I love to make my girls laugh with my skillz. :)

I love a good conversation about politics, religion, parenting.  Anything that challenges my brain to consider another point-of-view.  I also like to argue and defend my point-of-view.  Sometimes to a fault.  I'm trying to reign it in.

I want to be deep.  And carefree.  I want to be organized.  And spontaneous.  I want to be heard.  And I want to listen.

I've become very aware of myself over the past year.  I am trying so hard to be a better person, friend, mother, and wife.  I want to be the friend that you call when you are at your worst or at your best.  I want you to have faith in me.  Faith that I will rejoice with you.  And mourn with with you when the moment requires mourning.  When you think about your "good friends", I want to be at the top of the list.

That's what you would get, if you met me. 

OK.  Now it's your turn. 

And.... GO!

Look around you.

I've been sick over the past couple of days.  Sick enough to cause me to sleep for 22 hours (and then some).  At one point, I turned on the news and the first story was about a family whose 3 year old was missing.  Kidnapped from her home.  Incomprehensible.  Suddenly my little headache didn't seem all that important.

I feel selfish when I worry about the $60 erroneous charge on my credit card in comparison to the family whose house just burned to the ground.

I feel spoiled when I lay in my comfortable bed, stricken with a headache and low grade fever while someone a few miles away lays in a hospital bed stricken with cancer.

There is this tug of war that goes on in my brain between God caring about little old me and God having bigger things to worry about.

Resist him (the devil), firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. 1 Peter 5:9

Substitute "worse" for "same" in the above verse.  Worse kinds of suffering, much worse than my own.  In Japan.  In Libya.  In the US.  Across town.  Down the street.  In the lives of my family and friends.

I have a sweet friend whose baby is facing brain surgery in a few weeks.  No comparison.  My sister-in-law is pulling double duty to sweet little Aubrey while her husband is deployed to Egypt for a year (or longer).  No comparison.  A dear friend who just suffered a miscarriage.  No comparison.  Friends who are at the end of a marriage.  Friends whose parents are at the end of their lives.  Friends who are on the verge of losing it all.  Daily, I can turn on the news and watch as men and women across the globe suffer through traumatic and devastating situations. And as I compare my "suffering" with theirs, I begin to feel selfish and guilty.

Which got me thinking...

We know that God doesn't rank sin. He says lustful intent is adultery.  Anger is murder.  (Hard to comprehend with this limited little mind of mine ... but it's still true.)

I don't think He ranks my suffering either.

When He says He has come to bind up the brokenhearted ... I think He means the jr. high girl who just got her heart broken by a silly boy.  And the orphan in Japan who lost her parents.

When He says He has come to proclaim liberty to captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound ... I think He means the guy who is bound by his addiction to alcohol.  And the girl who is literally enslaved in the sex trade.

When He says He has come to comfort all who mourn ... I think He means the new bride who cries because she is moving away from mom and dad.  And the young woman who cries because she is burying her mom.

My pain is not overlooked because someone's pain is greater.  His grace is sufficient, regardless of the depth of the pain.

This is what I love about Him.  However silly my situation or my feelings seem in comparison to the larger plights of the world, He still sees me. 

So today, I'm thankful.  I'm thankful that God gives me perspective on my problems, showing me I'm not alone in my pain, while also exposing my heaviness to reveal that it is lighter than it feels in this moment.

I'm also thankful that, at the same time, He is big enough and strong enough to carry my friends through their darkest moments.

He cares about my headache when His other child's heart is failing.

He cares about my disappointment when His other child's life is crumbling around them.

And as he heals me, restores me, comforts me, and fills me with faith, He then says, "Look around you" ... sending me out with authority to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to comfort all who mourn, to raise up the former devastations.