God's Decree

I have been on a journey the past two years.  The journey has had many seasons.  Each one different, and completely necessary.

I must be honest and say that I am tired of journeying.  My spirit is exhausted.  I beg God to simply resolve my heart to be whole again.  But He doesn't.  Not yet.

I am ready to be better.  But the problem is, I'm not actually better yet.

The yet to be seen, still not revealed "purpose in the pain" has been my lifeline.

But it's hard because I am not the one painting the picture.  He is.

And it might take Him a really. long. time.

Ironically, healing is painful.  At times the pain is unbearably numbing.  I'm not sure which is worse - the pain or the numbness.

I remember vividly the God breathed moments in the beginning.  He spoke to me and prepared me for the journey I was about to begin.  His voice brought security.  He allowed this.  His Words were clear and loud.  His Words sustained me.

His Words:

Isolation.

Armor of God.  

Obedience.   

But now there's only silence.

"My" verse is Jeremiah 29:11: 

"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out- plans to take care of you, not abandon  you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen.  When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed. 

God's Decree.  

I'll turn things around for you.  

I'll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you.  

God's Decree 

I will bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile.  You can count on it."